1. talking or tending to talk much or freely; talkative; chattering; babbling; garrulous: a loquacious dinner guest. 2. characterized by excessive talk; wordy: easily the most loquacious play of the season
Perhaps rather than trying to meditate to quiet the chatter, I should think of supressing my loquacious nature.
Boat has been pulled out of the water. I can no longer live in the land of denial - the boat is covered in barnacles. Somehow, I will make sure I do not get involved in removing such barnacles - I like to keep the skin on my knuckles!
In taking Mark's advice, added red pepper flakes and green chiles (only onion I had was moldy). I didn't include the Earth Balance. I didn't add any tofu, but might next time. I also added white pepper and onion powder and it had quite the kick. Drain the corn next time! Too watery. But remedied with corn starch and a little extra flour and energy.
I didn't build the huge house because I couldn't live without stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops.
I didn't build it because it was necessary for me to float in a pool and have my boat in the backyard.
I didn't build the monstrosity with the wish of filling the extra bedrooms with rug rats of my own.
I simply built it for 2 reasons. 1- I wanted the man in my life to be happy and this is what he wanted to do and 2- There was plenty of equity in building it ourselves and it seemed like a wise investment.
Why did we think it was wise?
1- It appraised for $1.425 million and we had $1 million into it
2- We built it with the wealthy retiree in mind (never ourselves)
I had a very clear and concise plan. I would sell my house and use the proceeds to pay for my half of the mortgage payments. I had plenty of savings in case of a shortfall. After two years, we would sell the house and the gain would be tax free. It was safe and it was smart.
After the point of no return, the world changed. Significantly.
Here on the Outer Banks, you could feel the change - you could almost smell and touch it, it was so immediate. Because the change was so dramatic, we felt that it would change back just as quickly. That was the fall of 2005.
I have examined myself inside and out looking for what led me in the total opposite direction of my intended goal.
I have come to the conclusion that I did not listen to my gut. If I had stayed true to myself and my values, I would never have gotten myself into this position.
Core values: 1- I don't believe in development, I believe in rehabilitation and working with what already exists. 2- I believe in simplicity. 3- I believe in helping others and doing good in all aspects.
I can't say that I got greedy because that doesn't feel accurate. I think I just got caught up in someone else's dream, someone else's goals, someone else's values and pushed aside my own.
This experience has affected me profoundly. Due to the contrast in what I consider to be me, it's made me realize that all humans have this within them. I've never understood evil or to a lesser degree, wrong doings - screw ups, failures, bad decisions - in other people. I've have walked along a path of achieving success after success - if I messed up, I corrected it. Fairly simple.
This has made me change my mind. Perhaps the biggest lesson I may take away from this is that of compassion.
Rather than feeling like a total loser, I want to embrace the following: 1- we built a hell of a house 2- I was able to carry it for two years, mostly on my own (I consider myself a financial genious in this regard - never to be repeated, however) 3- we made the right decision of letting it go, although should have done so sooner (But a year ago, we had a buyer lined up).
The lot over on Duck Woods Drive? Now, that was completely ridiculous. All I can say is that you had to be there at the time to understand.
I will recover from this and will be smarter from it.
A page went out over our phone system today - an agent was letting us know that there was a funnel cloud visable over Outer Banks Paints. Fortunately, I had my camera. Was told that it was out over Kitty Hawk Bay - have not confirmed it yet
Wildfires west of the Outer Banks have coated our coast with thick smoke. Estimates say it could last for months unless there is a significant downpour. The growth of peat is what's on fire and isn't put out easily.
I had to go home this week due to the passing of my uncle. His death was not unexpected. My grandmother and my cousin are so upset and it's hard to be so far away. I am glad I was able to attend the funeral, but I wish I had been able to stay longer. There's a part of me that is starting to think that I should be back in Fredericksburg permanently. Life is too short.
Tomorrow is a full moon, so hopefully there will be an end to this current collective chaos. Michael created www.savehatteras.com as an online petition that has exploded in popularity and complaints from multiple attorneys. I haven't seen him for days, as he has been at the office at all hours. There is a threat of the beaches in Hatteras being closed by injunction from the courts. The hearing is April 4th. If it happens, there is legitimate concern that the local economy will be adversely affected. Michael is proving that one person really can have an impact. In other news, the real estate market is not improving at the rate I had anticipated. Every day I have a sick feeling that doesn't go away. I still pray that May 1st will bring my salvation and the end of my position in management of the real estate company - I know, doesn't make any sense to terminate my job when I can't pay my bills, but something has to give. The bright side? Today is the first day of spring - hallelujah!
We had a fantastic time! We stayed in San Pedro on Ambergris Caye. We went snorkling (not a fan), went on a trip to the mainland to see the Mayan ruins at Laminai (and got to hear Howler Monkeys- http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/howler-monkey.html - click on Hear A Howler Monkey - they sound much scarier than this recording - super wicked), rented a golf cart and went exploring in rough terrain until I got scared, and did an impromptu day trip to Caye Caulker - sister island.
Water taxis are a main form of transportation in addition to golf carts and bicycles. The people of San Pedro were amazing beautiful and kind.
It started in 2006, the feeling that the party was over. And it began to slide downhill.
At the end of 2006, the general consensus was - things will get better by the middle of 2007.
In the middle of 2007, it was said that things would be back to normal by 2008.
Now we are sitting in 2008 speculating that it will be 2009, 2010 before things get straight in the real estate market. These are not happy times. But they haven't been happy since 2005 - that's entirely too long!